TOP THINGS YOU NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE "TRIP IN THE COUNTRY" SHOW

Folks,

It’s me. CP. Coming to you almost live from the Autobahn here in Germany en route to Hamburg. I’ve got news for you.

Meet me in a hurry behind the barn, friends. Gimme Country is shutting down. Closing its doors. Folding up the tent.

I had a blast doing the “Trip in the Country” show for the last few years. Sure, it was billed as Country music, but we took it places. Other countries. Places like Italy and Jamaica and Canada, too. And the Americas. North America... South America…  Africa! It started out with a lot of ‘50s and ‘60s country, yodeling cowgirls, honky-tonkers, Georgia swampers, rockabilly cats and kittens and just got more and more out there. In fact, the more out there it got, the more people seemed to dig it. We took Country music kicking and streaming into the future.

It’s been fun turning people on to music. I love radio. And I love interjecting my thoughts about these great records and the people who make them. Also, it was all interactive. People from all over the globe came to hang out in the chat and mouth off. It got heated. It got lively. I loved it. 

So once more for old time sake, maybe get out that nasty old Pandemic Bathrobe back out of the closet, pull your boots on and log on. My last show will be Friday April 21 at 2 PM PDT. 

Stomp your hands and cross your legs. 

Turn up that browser! 

Onwards,

- CP

TOP THINGS YOU NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE “TRIP IN THE COUNTRY” SHOW:

1) You don’t have to worry about eating bad sushi or dressing age-appropriate. All we ask is that you keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. You don’t need to know how to order a macadamia nut latte from your phone. And you don’t have to worry about Sucky Markenburg selling your personal data on the street.

2) No need to microdose, or megadose, or Megadeth for that matter. In fact, you don’t have to dose at all. Just lean back, we’ve got you covered with two hours of handpicked jams.

3) You don’t have to carpool with a stranger. You don’t have to worry about your plants dying while you’re away. It’s only two hours, people. You need not worry about taking the bus and getting off at the wrong stop. 

4) You don’t need to live in a building with a doorman. Don’t have to sit through every episode of White Lotus. And you don't have to worry about bringing your queen out too early and getting pounced on. 

5) Don’t have to worry about figuring out how to get paid with Venmo. You don't have to understand cryptocurrency or know what a gloryhole is. Also, you don’t have to be afraid to show your feminine side. 

6) Don’t need to hire anybody on Taskrabbit to hook up your TV to the cable. You don’t have to worry if you’re out of range or free range or home on the range.

7) It’s not some kind of pot luck where you gotta worry about what to bring. Don’t have to worry about issues. Issues with non-compatible zodiac signs, issues with gluten or…

8) You don't have to pick Sammy “The Red Lobster" Hagar out of a lineup. And you don’t have to worry about any sudden downturns in the market.

9) You don’t need an epidural pen or any nasal spray. You don’t need to worry about your package on a boat stuck in a Canal in Egypt. Don’t have to worry about remembering where you parked.

10) You don’t have to know how to bake your own bread.  No Italian satellites. No bamboo ballots. And you don’t have to worry about any shady real estate deals or unscrupulous agents. 

11) Don’t have to offer to help with the dishes. Or show up to any gender reveal super spreader parties. It’s easy. It’s not like being at your parents’, where you need some convoluted password to use the Wi-Fi. You don’t need to remember the name of your first pet. 

12) Don’t have to get all the McDonald’s wrappers off the floor of your car so people don’t think you’re a loser. Nobody’s gonna judge you. You’re at home with your friends and it’s festival seating.

13) Don’t have to worry about any psychotropic drugs being smuggled in through your breakfast cereal. You don’t have to pass a urine test. Or any rapid tests. You don’t need to take two aspirin. Don’t need to call anyone in the morning. Just lay down and take a nap. Wake up refreshed and inspired.

14) You don't have to sleep on a futon or worry about anyone carving you up like a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

15) Don’t have to worry about being force fed episodic television or anyone boring you with diatribes about the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. In fact, you can cancel Amazon Prime and cancel Netflix now. Take the money you save and send it to me.

16) Don’t have to pose with a bagel in front of a selfie-wall on 12th Avenue South in Nashville. No need to negotiate any pandemic treaties. Or worry about any City Fathers shutting the town down. 

17) Don’t have to call animal control and you sure as heck don’t have to drink Diet Doctor Pepper (CVS’s soda of choice. Check out his excellent weekly hang on Facebook). Don’t have to worry about anybody grabbing you by the ankles and pulling you down your front steps and beating you with a mic stand.

18) Don’t have to worry about getting busted for sharing any watermarked advance Radiohead CDs or any cyber ninja pick-pockets stealing the password to your Twitter account. 

19) You don’t have to worry about any unwelcome side effects. But you can listen from the privacy of your own home. And no, you don’t need to know the combination to use the bathroom.

20) Don’t have to worry about using a plastic straw. You don’t need a straw. Don’t have to worry about anyone hassling you for wearing a plastic straw around your neck like a choker.

21) Don’t need any parenthetical qualifiers like (Green On Red) or (True Believers). 

22) You don’t have to press one for an operator or speak a second language. Although it does help.

23) Don’t need to hire a motivational speaker. Because this is your Friday motivational. Don’t have to hang out with people from work. In fact, you don’t have to ever go back to the office. 

Ever.

24) You don’t have to be deputized. Don’t need an attorney for this journey. You don’t need to worry about failing a polygraph exam. Or being grilled by any TikTok stars. And no grand juries! 

25) You don’t have to have a landline. You don’t have to worry about your phone dying. And you don’t need a passport. We’ll just wave you through. 

26) Don’t have to worry about trying to get your guitar in the overhead bins on a Southwest Air flight even when you’re in the C group.

27) You don’t have to worry about any shady characters hanging around your front steps. No porch pirates here!

28) And you don’t have to have a valid driver’s license. Don’t have to know how to drive a stick shift either. And you need not worry about anyone yelling at you in German. You don’t have to worry about calling shotgun. Everybody gets the shotgun seat on the “Trip in the Country” show.

29) You don’t have to accept any cookies. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. You don’t have to waive your Miranda rights here and you don’t have to worry about incriminating yourself.

30) You don’t have to wait in any TSA lines and you don’t have to keep that curtain inside the tub. 

31) You don’t have to worry about any pre-existing conditions and you don’t have to worry about unwanted side effects. This show will do wonders for your bikini body though.

That’s just a FEW of the things you need not worry about. Now, excuse me but I’ve got to get to the kitchen now. Get yourself a beverage and get good and comfortable.